inspiration23

Haven’t done anything for a long time.  But tonight I am so  **** mad.  Mom’s the same every time I call of wanting to commit suicide.   Last time she wanted a gun to kill herself.  I told her she wouldn’t find a gun there and she told me that she had one.  I said, “You do?  Where did you get it?”  She told me that some man came along and sold her one.

Tonight, something else is bothering me.  We have a storage house just across the street from where we live.  We have had it for 35+ years.  During all that time, no one has ever bothered it until my dad passed away and my mom went into a nursing home.  Suddenly, the kids are going through and breaking the windows out.  They were the old windows with thick glass, frosted panes with little raised flowers on them.  Now they are just pieces.  Like my life.  I feel like I am in pieces and there is no glue strong enough to glue me together.  I wouldn’t even be able to find all the pieces.   I cuss myself because I cleaned out the trees by the house, thus exposing the windows and bricks that used to be a part of an old chimney.  I should have left them and let them destroy the roof,  I could have handled that better, then I could have said,  “Yes Daddy, you were right about those trees.  They did harm the roof.”

Once again,  I drug out the saw, and drill and proceeded to cut what I could find to cover the open windows.   Then I mowed over there and my mower kept hitting bricks that those kids tossed around in the yard.   They were smaller pieces that we didn’t see.  We looked around the yard,  but I guess we didn’t really look there because that was when I saw the windows busted out, and the trash scattered all over the yard, the everything else was forgotten.  We try to live our lives quietly, always have and we don’t make waves and wish the same respect showed to me and my kids.  Trouble is, kids don’t care anymore.  There are no consequences for their actions.  They can do what they want and get away with it all.  It was turned to the local patrol man again.  Last time I heard nothing back from them and last time, along with 7 windows broke out and a shed gone through, these kids also went through my dad’s truck.  That hurt more than the anything, because my dad was the last one to be in that truck and I felt like they violated his space.

Since dad passed away and mom went into a nursing home, everything has been going wrong.  When will it end?     People tell me that kids will be kids and your stuff was old it was bound to break down.  Gee, do they think that that really makes me feel  better?